I know, I know. I've been remiss in my blogging obligations... Kelly claims that I started this blog and just as I got you sucked in, I stop blogging. So Kelly, this blog's for you!
I don't just hate grocery shopping; I DESPISE it. I think I finally came to the realization of how much I hated it when about 15 yrs ago I just stopped going. That given Saturday morning was so much more enjoyable... Granted Bill started getting worried when he saw the food rations dwindling. I just figured when he got hungry enough, he'd start shopping. It took about 2 days.
Quite honestly I have not grocery shopped in 15 yrs. Seriously! I have been known to pick up a bottle of wine on my way to a quilting or knitting event but that's pretty much it. Well guess what?! Now that I'm living sans Bill, I have to grocery shop!! Its not like riding a bike; you DO forget how!!
My first trip to the store was an absolute nightmare! After I finally found the store (HEB, its a really nice store), I parked the car and walked in. The first section I encountered was the fresh produce... OMG!!! How many different kinds of lettuce can you have? Bibb, red leaf, green leaf, romaine, iceberg, arugula, Boston, escarole and on and on... and then you can buy it either organic or regular(inorganic?)or torn up for you in a bag or in a plastic container, with or without salad dressing... Don't get me wrong, I know about the different types of lettuce and such but after a long day at work, who really wants to have to face all of these choices?!
So I grabbed a cart an start my trek. A head of leaf lettuce, now what? Uh, maybe I was supposed to have a plan? OK, what goes with lettuce? Some cherry tomatos (that sounds good) and oh, yea, some salad dressing. Phew, I made it through the fresh veggie section. Now its on to the fresh fruit section for apples... OMG!!! How many different kinds of apples can there be?! red delicious, yellow delicious, granny smith, Fugi, Braeburn, royal gala, honey crisp and on and on. No wonder people walk around the grocery store with glazed looks on their faces!! They're on produce overload; and I'm quickly getting there myself!! OK, I have to get the fuck out of here. What's within my grasp so I can make a quick exit? A few potatos, a bag brown rice, milk, tortilla chips, bread, wine and cookies!!
There,I made it!! I beat cheeks home. I'm in the door. I'm unloading my groceries... and then I realize... WTF am I going to have for dinner?! UHG, I hate grocery shopping...
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
All's Well That Ends Well
And my first week ended well! I left on Saturday morning for Houston and met my sister at her shop. Right next door is a Mexican Restaurant so it was Margaritaville for a few hours while I filled her in on my week. She did not know about this blog or "ass face". Needless to say we had plenty to discuss! LOL!! I actually started writing a parody to the song "I Will Survive" that covers last week pretty well. I'll try to finish it and post it soon. Not too bad if I do say so myself. :-)
Anyway, Sunday we went back to the shop, got rid of my "blond" hairs and trimmed the mane. Then to The Good BBQ Company and stuffed ourselves on BBq brisket served on homemade jalapeno cheddar bread, pinto beans, potato salad, coleslaw and the most scrumptious pecan pie!! I had to carboload for my 3.5 hr drive home, right?! No dinner for me, which was fine since I had no food. (Friday night I had brown rice and toast for dinner. That shows you how much I HATE grocery shopping!!).
I broke down and grocery shopped yesterday after work (such a waste of time!!). I'm still surprised by my choices: hummus, pita chips, tortilla chips, salsa, apples, grapefruit, wine and cookies!
Anyway, Sunday we went back to the shop, got rid of my "blond" hairs and trimmed the mane. Then to The Good BBQ Company and stuffed ourselves on BBq brisket served on homemade jalapeno cheddar bread, pinto beans, potato salad, coleslaw and the most scrumptious pecan pie!! I had to carboload for my 3.5 hr drive home, right?! No dinner for me, which was fine since I had no food. (Friday night I had brown rice and toast for dinner. That shows you how much I HATE grocery shopping!!).
I broke down and grocery shopped yesterday after work (such a waste of time!!). I'm still surprised by my choices: hummus, pita chips, tortilla chips, salsa, apples, grapefruit, wine and cookies!
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
Ass Face
Needless to say, yesterday sucked big ones! After I got home from work, I opened a bottle of wine and cried. I seriously had visions of getting right back in that mini van and beating cheeks home. Encouragement from family and friends convinced me otherwise. What would I doo without y'all?
So now on to day 2... (A little prequel: When I got home last night, I saw that the repair man/men had come into the apartment to check on a cracked tile in the kitchen. They had left a little note that said that they looked at it... OK...)
Needless to say I didn't sleep worth a shit last night. Tossed and turned and probably woke up for the last time at 3 am, although I didn't get out of bed until 5am. I get in the shower, scrub a dub dub, dry my body, dry my face, get ready to wrap the towel around my head when I see this suspicious looking brown streak on my towel. WTF is that?! Sniff it and it's ASS!!! OK, so I didn't dry my asshole and I know I scrub a dubbed myself real well so WTF?! Look over, my tp roll is empty. The guy who looked at my floor to confirm that a tile was indeed broken (a very stressful job I can imagine) ran out of TP and wiped his ASS on my towel!! Thank GOD I bought bleach when I went shopping. Just to be safe, I threw out my toothbrush...
Welcome to fucking TEXAS!
So now on to day 2... (A little prequel: When I got home last night, I saw that the repair man/men had come into the apartment to check on a cracked tile in the kitchen. They had left a little note that said that they looked at it... OK...)
Needless to say I didn't sleep worth a shit last night. Tossed and turned and probably woke up for the last time at 3 am, although I didn't get out of bed until 5am. I get in the shower, scrub a dub dub, dry my body, dry my face, get ready to wrap the towel around my head when I see this suspicious looking brown streak on my towel. WTF is that?! Sniff it and it's ASS!!! OK, so I didn't dry my asshole and I know I scrub a dubbed myself real well so WTF?! Look over, my tp roll is empty. The guy who looked at my floor to confirm that a tile was indeed broken (a very stressful job I can imagine) ran out of TP and wiped his ASS on my towel!! Thank GOD I bought bleach when I went shopping. Just to be safe, I threw out my toothbrush...
Welcome to fucking TEXAS!
WTF???!!!
OK, so here it is, day # 2 of my new job and I have just gotten to the point where I "think" I can talk about my first day... The names have been changed to protect ME!
I was asked by my new boss, AA (the acronym I will explain some day) to report to work at 9 am. Of course I was up at 5 am; but whatever. I figured that he wanted to get things ready for me so that when I arrived at work, he would be ready to go over the things I will be responsible for. Sooooo... after spending way too much time changing from one outfit to another, I left the apartment. I get in my car, start to back out of the carport area when I hear a "SCRAPE". I have just scraped the side of my car on the carport post. WTF?! I guess I could have gotten out of the car to check the damage but, WTF, I want to get to work. With my handy dandy GPS on, I head towards work. My GPS says "turn right on Bell Road"; no Bell Rd to be seen... "recalculating" WTF?! "Keep left and then turn right" What?! So from the left lane now I try to merge into the right lane and realize that during the side of my car being scraped off, the post had also bent my side view mirror over and I can't see shit. I start to merge hoping there is no one there... right... some one is laying on their horn, swerves around me, gets in front of me, slows down and starts flipping me off. WTF?! Can't you see I'm a Hoosier? Give me a break.
So... After several U-turns and swearing at the GPS, I make it to the office. I get into building and they point me to my office. There I sit... Finally the woman that I am replacing comes in to say that AA wants her to update me on the projects going on in that group. Does she know what I will be working on? No. Does she know if AA has planned to meet with me one-on-one today? No. WTF?! He then sticks his head in the office to tell this woman that he has delayed the 10 am staff meeting he wants me to attend until 5:30 pm. WTF?!
OK, so prior to my first day, I received an e-mail from AA asking me if I hated Sushi (?). No, I replied, I love sushi. He said then that we would go out for sushi for my welcoming lunch. Fine. On my first day of work I receive an e-mail sent to the group giving the address of the restaurant. As time draws nearer for lunch, I hear nothing else and finally go to that woman's office to see if I could get a ride from her. WTF?! This is my welcome lunch, isn't it? You would think that SOMEONE would remember me... Anyway, after lunch I received a group e-mail telling everyone that they owed him $15.00, but that he was picking up the woman's lunch since it was her last day. WTF?! Oh, and also on my way to lunch I see that my brand new raincoat has a huge rip in the sleeve...WTF?!
During the staff meeting do I find out what I'm supposee to be doing? No. WTF?!Finally, on my way out of the door @ 7pm, I stop AA and tell him that I would like to start work earlier, say 8am to which he replies "Core business hours are from 8-5 but we all work longer hours than that and on the weeks you have to work Saturday and Sunday, I may give you a half a day on Monday that you can work from home" WTF?!
I was asked by my new boss, AA (the acronym I will explain some day) to report to work at 9 am. Of course I was up at 5 am; but whatever. I figured that he wanted to get things ready for me so that when I arrived at work, he would be ready to go over the things I will be responsible for. Sooooo... after spending way too much time changing from one outfit to another, I left the apartment. I get in my car, start to back out of the carport area when I hear a "SCRAPE". I have just scraped the side of my car on the carport post. WTF?! I guess I could have gotten out of the car to check the damage but, WTF, I want to get to work. With my handy dandy GPS on, I head towards work. My GPS says "turn right on Bell Road"; no Bell Rd to be seen... "recalculating" WTF?! "Keep left and then turn right" What?! So from the left lane now I try to merge into the right lane and realize that during the side of my car being scraped off, the post had also bent my side view mirror over and I can't see shit. I start to merge hoping there is no one there... right... some one is laying on their horn, swerves around me, gets in front of me, slows down and starts flipping me off. WTF?! Can't you see I'm a Hoosier? Give me a break.
So... After several U-turns and swearing at the GPS, I make it to the office. I get into building and they point me to my office. There I sit... Finally the woman that I am replacing comes in to say that AA wants her to update me on the projects going on in that group. Does she know what I will be working on? No. Does she know if AA has planned to meet with me one-on-one today? No. WTF?! He then sticks his head in the office to tell this woman that he has delayed the 10 am staff meeting he wants me to attend until 5:30 pm. WTF?!
OK, so prior to my first day, I received an e-mail from AA asking me if I hated Sushi (?). No, I replied, I love sushi. He said then that we would go out for sushi for my welcoming lunch. Fine. On my first day of work I receive an e-mail sent to the group giving the address of the restaurant. As time draws nearer for lunch, I hear nothing else and finally go to that woman's office to see if I could get a ride from her. WTF?! This is my welcome lunch, isn't it? You would think that SOMEONE would remember me... Anyway, after lunch I received a group e-mail telling everyone that they owed him $15.00, but that he was picking up the woman's lunch since it was her last day. WTF?! Oh, and also on my way to lunch I see that my brand new raincoat has a huge rip in the sleeve...WTF?!
During the staff meeting do I find out what I'm supposee to be doing? No. WTF?!Finally, on my way out of the door @ 7pm, I stop AA and tell him that I would like to start work earlier, say 8am to which he replies "Core business hours are from 8-5 but we all work longer hours than that and on the weeks you have to work Saturday and Sunday, I may give you a half a day on Monday that you can work from home" WTF?!
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