Yea for Me!

Yea for ME!!! Bill and Harrison are on their way to visit for a week!! I can't wait to see my family! We are heading to Houston on Saturday to spend Easter with my sister. I'm hoping they get me out of my hidey hole so I can explore Austin. I've realized that I'm not much of an adventurer when left on my own. I've been here 5 weeks now and I can get to work, back home and the dreaded grocery store. That's it! Am I weird? Ok, ok, weirder than most? Actually, don't answer that...

OK, on a somewhat different subject... This has been bugging the crap out of me for some time now. How do you spell yea(y with a long A sound)? Is it Ya, Yea or Yeah?? And what about y with a short a sound; you know, the word annoying kids use instead of "yes"? Ever time I try to write the word that stands for excitment, I wonder if I'm just agreeing with something instead...

Adventures in Grocery Shopping

I know, I know. I've been remiss in my blogging obligations... Kelly claims that I started this blog and just as I got you sucked in, I stop blogging. So Kelly, this blog's for you!

I don't just hate grocery shopping; I DESPISE it. I think I finally came to the realization of how much I hated it when about 15 yrs ago I just stopped going. That given Saturday morning was so much more enjoyable... Granted Bill started getting worried when he saw the food rations dwindling. I just figured when he got hungry enough, he'd start shopping. It took about 2 days.

Quite honestly I have not grocery shopped in 15 yrs. Seriously! I have been known to pick up a bottle of wine on my way to a quilting or knitting event but that's pretty much it. Well guess what?! Now that I'm living sans Bill, I have to grocery shop!! Its not like riding a bike; you DO forget how!!

My first trip to the store was an absolute nightmare! After I finally found the store (HEB, its a really nice store), I parked the car and walked in. The first section I encountered was the fresh produce... OMG!!! How many different kinds of lettuce can you have? Bibb, red leaf, green leaf, romaine, iceberg, arugula, Boston, escarole and on and on... and then you can buy it either organic or regular(inorganic?)or torn up for you in a bag or in a plastic container, with or without salad dressing... Don't get me wrong, I know about the different types of lettuce and such but after a long day at work, who really wants to have to face all of these choices?!

So I grabbed a cart an start my trek. A head of leaf lettuce, now what? Uh, maybe I was supposed to have a plan? OK, what goes with lettuce? Some cherry tomatos (that sounds good) and oh, yea, some salad dressing. Phew, I made it through the fresh veggie section. Now its on to the fresh fruit section for apples... OMG!!! How many different kinds of apples can there be?! red delicious, yellow delicious, granny smith, Fugi, Braeburn, royal gala, honey crisp and on and on. No wonder people walk around the grocery store with glazed looks on their faces!! They're on produce overload; and I'm quickly getting there myself!! OK, I have to get the fuck out of here. What's within my grasp so I can make a quick exit? A few potatos, a bag brown rice, milk, tortilla chips, bread, wine and cookies!!

There,I made it!! I beat cheeks home. I'm in the door. I'm unloading my groceries... and then I realize... WTF am I going to have for dinner?! UHG, I hate grocery shopping...

All's Well That Ends Well

And my first week ended well! I left on Saturday morning for Houston and met my sister at her shop. Right next door is a Mexican Restaurant so it was Margaritaville for a few hours while I filled her in on my week. She did not know about this blog or "ass face". Needless to say we had plenty to discuss! LOL!! I actually started writing a parody to the song "I Will Survive" that covers last week pretty well. I'll try to finish it and post it soon. Not too bad if I do say so myself. :-)

Anyway, Sunday we went back to the shop, got rid of my "blond" hairs and trimmed the mane. Then to The Good BBQ Company and stuffed ourselves on BBq brisket served on homemade jalapeno cheddar bread, pinto beans, potato salad, coleslaw and the most scrumptious pecan pie!! I had to carboload for my 3.5 hr drive home, right?! No dinner for me, which was fine since I had no food. (Friday night I had brown rice and toast for dinner. That shows you how much I HATE grocery shopping!!).

I broke down and grocery shopped yesterday after work (such a waste of time!!). I'm still surprised by my choices: hummus, pita chips, tortilla chips, salsa, apples, grapefruit, wine and cookies!

Ass Face

Needless to say, yesterday sucked big ones! After I got home from work, I opened a bottle of wine and cried. I seriously had visions of getting right back in that mini van and beating cheeks home. Encouragement from family and friends convinced me otherwise. What would I doo without y'all?

So now on to day 2... (A little prequel: When I got home last night, I saw that the repair man/men had come into the apartment to check on a cracked tile in the kitchen. They had left a little note that said that they looked at it... OK...)

Needless to say I didn't sleep worth a shit last night. Tossed and turned and probably woke up for the last time at 3 am, although I didn't get out of bed until 5am. I get in the shower, scrub a dub dub, dry my body, dry my face, get ready to wrap the towel around my head when I see this suspicious looking brown streak on my towel. WTF is that?! Sniff it and it's ASS!!! OK, so I didn't dry my asshole and I know I scrub a dubbed myself real well so WTF?! Look over, my tp roll is empty. The guy who looked at my floor to confirm that a tile was indeed broken (a very stressful job I can imagine) ran out of TP and wiped his ASS on my towel!! Thank GOD I bought bleach when I went shopping. Just to be safe, I threw out my toothbrush...
Welcome to fucking TEXAS!

WTF???!!!

OK, so here it is, day # 2 of my new job and I have just gotten to the point where I "think" I can talk about my first day... The names have been changed to protect ME!

I was asked by my new boss, AA (the acronym I will explain some day) to report to work at 9 am. Of course I was up at 5 am; but whatever. I figured that he wanted to get things ready for me so that when I arrived at work, he would be ready to go over the things I will be responsible for. Sooooo... after spending way too much time changing from one outfit to another, I left the apartment. I get in my car, start to back out of the carport area when I hear a "SCRAPE". I have just scraped the side of my car on the carport post. WTF?! I guess I could have gotten out of the car to check the damage but, WTF, I want to get to work. With my handy dandy GPS on, I head towards work. My GPS says "turn right on Bell Road"; no Bell Rd to be seen... "recalculating" WTF?! "Keep left and then turn right" What?! So from the left lane now I try to merge into the right lane and realize that during the side of my car being scraped off, the post had also bent my side view mirror over and I can't see shit. I start to merge hoping there is no one there... right... some one is laying on their horn, swerves around me, gets in front of me, slows down and starts flipping me off. WTF?! Can't you see I'm a Hoosier? Give me a break.

So... After several U-turns and swearing at the GPS, I make it to the office. I get into building and they point me to my office. There I sit... Finally the woman that I am replacing comes in to say that AA wants her to update me on the projects going on in that group. Does she know what I will be working on? No. Does she know if AA has planned to meet with me one-on-one today? No. WTF?! He then sticks his head in the office to tell this woman that he has delayed the 10 am staff meeting he wants me to attend until 5:30 pm. WTF?!

OK, so prior to my first day, I received an e-mail from AA asking me if I hated Sushi (?). No, I replied, I love sushi. He said then that we would go out for sushi for my welcoming lunch. Fine. On my first day of work I receive an e-mail sent to the group giving the address of the restaurant. As time draws nearer for lunch, I hear nothing else and finally go to that woman's office to see if I could get a ride from her. WTF?! This is my welcome lunch, isn't it? You would think that SOMEONE would remember me... Anyway, after lunch I received a group e-mail telling everyone that they owed him $15.00, but that he was picking up the woman's lunch since it was her last day. WTF?! Oh, and also on my way to lunch I see that my brand new raincoat has a huge rip in the sleeve...WTF?!

During the staff meeting do I find out what I'm supposee to be doing? No. WTF?!Finally, on my way out of the door @ 7pm, I stop AA and tell him that I would like to start work earlier, say 8am to which he replies "Core business hours are from 8-5 but we all work longer hours than that and on the weeks you have to work Saturday and Sunday, I may give you a half a day on Monday that you can work from home" WTF?!

Things I Saw Along the Way

Wow. What a long drive... A total of about 19.5 hrs!

Things I saw along the way:
1. Trucks, trucks and more trucks! They like to play this game (seriously) where, while they are in the right hand lane, they wait until you are about 2 ft behind them (or less) in the left hand lane and then they cut in front of you and slow down about 15 mph. What's a pissed off person to do??...
2. an owl contemplating its navel. Just sitting on the side of the road (???).
3. A very large dead werewolf (that I ran over too... eeeewwwww! Sounded like I hit a boulder!)
4. Dead skunk freeway that stretched from Arkansas to Texas (major stink)
5. a hawk diving between trucks going 75 mph (can you say "death wish"?).
6. a dipshit from Lousiana who thought she owned the left lane...

Oy Vey!

What is happening to my brain?! Went to Acapulco tonight for dinner with Bill. Getting out of the car I realized I had one brown shoe and one black shoe on! Not only were they different colors and styles, they were different heights too(?)!! You would think I would have noticed the difference as I gimped to the car...

Bill just laughed and said "You keep me laughing. I never know what you're going to do next". Scary thing is, I don't know what I'm going to do either!

Space Bags

As several people already know, I have absolutely fallen in love with Space Bags during this whole moving process!! You just put a bunch of stuff in the bag, vacuum the hell out of it and it makes things smaller and more compact. Its like magic!! I wish someone would come up with some type of weight loss device based on that. Just hook yourself up to a vacuum and you become smaller and more compact. I wonder where you would stick the vacuum hose though...

Shit, shit and more shit!

How can anyone accumulate so much SHIT?!! (and how can I make myself get rid of it??) I could open up an antique store with just the pottery I have and finish out the rest of my life selling the stuff.

Could I give it to Goodwill (Are you crazy?! Do you have any idea how much you paid for the shit?!)? Give it to friends (would they want your shit and would you really want them to know how much shit you have???)? Throw it out (yeah, right)? So I guess I just pack it up and buy a bigger house.

Here we go!

OK, thats not my real picture on the blog page; but after looking at several "going away" pictures of myself, this one looks A LOT better! :-)


So this is my first blog entry... Never in a million years did I think I'd be a blogger; never thought anyone would read it (and they may not!)LOL.

T minus 7 days and counting before I start my journey down to Austin. It still hasn't sunken in yet.

I have been an absolute maniac, trying to get the house decluttered and ready for "staging". I have always thought of myself as a multitasker but have finally come to the realization that I must have ADD. Yesterday, I decided to drain Spunky's aquarium. Spunky went to live at the preschool at Walnut Creek Church (and probably snack on the other little fishes there). Well I started syphoning (sp) the aquarium water into a bucket and thought "My, this is slow. Maybe I should call a few people to set up lunch dates before I leave". I was on my 3rd phone call, just talking up a storm, when I realized something sounded like a waterfall... It was aquarium water flowing over the sides of my bucket and splashing onto the floor... So if you are ever talking with me on the phone and you hear me yell "FUCK!", please don't take it personally, its just that my multitasking has gone astray...